Needing

grocery store scene:  "no, you can't have the captain crunch!  now put down that bag of snickers!  but, mom, i need them, please!  i will keep my room really, really clean.  please?  no, you can't have those snickers, but you still need to clean your room.  oh mom, you are so mean!"

i have observed similar scenes over the years.  in part, i laugh because it is the same type of argument that i certainly used with my parents.  how DO we pass these things on? 

but the laughter subsides a bit when i realize even now i argue with myself in a similar manner.  how do i determine what i want from what i need?  being the slightly stubborn (or at least persistent) person that i am, i can give a litany of reasons why i need something.  and like a couple shots of whiskey, the litany dulls my thinking and helps me to sneak a want into the need category. 

now don't get me wrong.  there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting something.  i love, crave, want an occasional bread pudding with rum sauce.  but giving into that craving it everyday would do two things:  i would have to buy new clothes and  i would tire of the pudding.  allow me to add one more:  it can become the means to avoid my actual needs.

from a very early age, we fight the battle of need vs. want.  and it is a battle.  after all, by focusing on what we want, we can become impulsive and selfish.  but most importantly, it can keep our eyes on the future,  always looking for yet another thing we want, often avoiding what we really need.  yet focusing on our needs keeps us in the present.  it can guide us to what will really satisfy and nourish us.  it informs us of what is really important and vital in the present...  right now.

and this is the beautiful part...  need and want now have the opportunity to work together, shuffling through the options, and deciding what will really fulfill the need that is lacking.  opponents are transformed into partners... friends... allies. 

i need comfort and i choose to ask for a hug.  i am hungry and i choose to eat something healthy and nourishing.  i am tired and i choose to stop what i am doing in order to rest. 

of course, we feel a craving and choose to act on it.  that can be so much fun!  but as allies, need can help want not to go off the deep end.  perhaps that is, in part, our security and safety...   our needs and our wants working side by side, watching out for each other, helping us to become whole.