in a recent speech addressing the springfield, missouri city council, a minister delivered a message with a clever twist.. he warned that biblical principles, societal morality, and the institution of marriage were threatened if the the ordinance adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of protected minorities was approved.
as he was finishing his speech, phil snider did an 'oops!' stating that he was reading from the wrong speech, using instead the language of anti-segregationists from the 1950's and 1960's who warned that the wrath of god would come upon americans if segregation was outlawed. phil's speech effectively exposed the methods by which anti-gay advocates were using the bible as a justification for their views and as a scare tactic to those who disagreed with them. it was a twist that alfred hitchcock would have relished.
phil snider's speech has had a huge impact on me. as a gay man, i have been reminded of the anti-gay sermons in my early years, the efforts of well-meaning people to persuade me to change, the fear of hell, and the shame i experienced while in reparative therapy when i was in my early 20's. it was wrong to be me.
but i have also been reminded of the transformation i have experienced over the years with the help of supportive friends, insightful therapy, and the love and support my wife, donna, consistently has given me. they have given me the courage to shed a lifetime of shame, to hold my head up high with pride, and to enjoy a life of freedom to be my true self. i am deeply grateful to be at a place of peace and contentment. the transformation over the years into a person who loves himself and is loved by others just for who i am.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Hidden treasures
donna happened upon a children's book stashed away in a storage box. the first reaction when i saw the book was "awwwwww!". translated, it means "i love that book; so many good memories". as adults, sometimes we think our life is so complicated versus a child who is so innocent and free of serious challenges to living a healthy life. how could a child face a challenge that seems insurmountable?
helping to dispel that myth is this children's book that makes my list of the most important books in a child's library. this book addresses hopelessness, struggle, the need for support, and obstacles that impede progress toward a particular goal. quite heavy stuff for a 5 year old!
the story actually is a version of the biblical story, 'the good samaritan'. it includes someone in a dire situation, several puffed-up people who are unwilling to help, and a modest one that helps even though deemed unworthy by society. hearing sermons and lectures on 'the good samaritan', i learned that the best way to understand this book was to identify with each of the characters. this in spite of the desire to play the part of the hero.
but what makes this story unique is the theme of resolve and persistence. any super hero can confidently face mountains of obstacles with super-human powers. but the rest of us must rely on our inner resources and the support of others. as such, this story is not just for children but for all of us. most of us have faced dire situations and have doubted our resolve to overcome. and some of us have succumbed to the pressure of the current situation... giving up... giving in.
if i were, however, to write a sequel to this book, it would contain all of the characters and, of course, the same dire situation. but the ending would be that in spite of resolve and perserverence, the protagonist would finally say. i've tried my best, but i just couldn't do it.
have you ever faced a problem that is too much to bear? and have you ever called yourself terrible names that reflect the opinion that giving up is a sign of weakness? i believe strongly that sometimes the most courageous and strong thing to do is to surrender to the situation and find a different way to live.
living with a chronic illness and with constant pain since 2007, i have had to give up several times. among those times was the realization that i could no longer work at a job about which i was passionate. after a couple leaves of absence and many, many sick days, i finally terminated my contract in 2010, feeling defeated... feeling like a failure.
it was only with the help of supportive people that eventually i was able to see my decision as one of strength and courage. as someone once said, i felt the fear and did it anyway. as i look back now, i was successful because i did what needed to be done. i changed my self-expectations to ones that fit the reality of the situation.
courage is NOT defined by winning at any cost, even to the detriment of ourselves physically, emotionally, or by straining our relationships. winning is facing reality by re-focusing on a more worthy and achievable goal.
i value highly the ideas contained the book, "the little engine that could". selling ourselves short is not a helpful way to live. but sometimes in our lives, we must move from "i think i can, i think i can" to "i did my best, i did my best". those times give us the opportunity to love and affirm ourselves just as we are.
helping to dispel that myth is this children's book that makes my list of the most important books in a child's library. this book addresses hopelessness, struggle, the need for support, and obstacles that impede progress toward a particular goal. quite heavy stuff for a 5 year old!
the story actually is a version of the biblical story, 'the good samaritan'. it includes someone in a dire situation, several puffed-up people who are unwilling to help, and a modest one that helps even though deemed unworthy by society. hearing sermons and lectures on 'the good samaritan', i learned that the best way to understand this book was to identify with each of the characters. this in spite of the desire to play the part of the hero.
but what makes this story unique is the theme of resolve and persistence. any super hero can confidently face mountains of obstacles with super-human powers. but the rest of us must rely on our inner resources and the support of others. as such, this story is not just for children but for all of us. most of us have faced dire situations and have doubted our resolve to overcome. and some of us have succumbed to the pressure of the current situation... giving up... giving in.
if i were, however, to write a sequel to this book, it would contain all of the characters and, of course, the same dire situation. but the ending would be that in spite of resolve and perserverence, the protagonist would finally say. i've tried my best, but i just couldn't do it.
have you ever faced a problem that is too much to bear? and have you ever called yourself terrible names that reflect the opinion that giving up is a sign of weakness? i believe strongly that sometimes the most courageous and strong thing to do is to surrender to the situation and find a different way to live.
living with a chronic illness and with constant pain since 2007, i have had to give up several times. among those times was the realization that i could no longer work at a job about which i was passionate. after a couple leaves of absence and many, many sick days, i finally terminated my contract in 2010, feeling defeated... feeling like a failure.
it was only with the help of supportive people that eventually i was able to see my decision as one of strength and courage. as someone once said, i felt the fear and did it anyway. as i look back now, i was successful because i did what needed to be done. i changed my self-expectations to ones that fit the reality of the situation.
courage is NOT defined by winning at any cost, even to the detriment of ourselves physically, emotionally, or by straining our relationships. winning is facing reality by re-focusing on a more worthy and achievable goal.
i value highly the ideas contained the book, "the little engine that could". selling ourselves short is not a helpful way to live. but sometimes in our lives, we must move from "i think i can, i think i can" to "i did my best, i did my best". those times give us the opportunity to love and affirm ourselves just as we are.
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