Oops!

when i was boy, i remember enjoying company in our house, the parsonage of the church.  and with those stories came juicy bits of information, stories of traveling, and fascinating opinions.   and i felt it my duty, privilege and honor to add to the conversation whenever i could.

 there were missionaries who would spin wonderful stories of life overseas.  i wanted so much to be a missionary in order to travel.  usually my questions were 'what kind of animals live near you?" or "what kind of food do you eat".  i held most missionaries on a pedestal, so i reserved my most poignant moments for other guest.

there were ministers and evangelists who told about churches and people throughout america.  i delighted hearing how others did church.  but more delightful and seductive were the stories 'about' people... what they did...  didn't do...  what they said... didn't say....  what they wore.... didn't wear...   the possibilities were endless.  once, a minister with an 'honorary' doctoral degree was eating a meal with us.  i just HAD to ask, 'are you a real doctor'?  i wish i could remember the response.  oops!

two single women sang for a revival at our church when i was no older than 7.  one, i addressed by her name.  the other, by 'coocoonose'.  she was a good sport.  frequently, i had nicknames for our guests.  luckily, i kept most of them for private use.

one married evangelist couple who sat at our kitchen table proceeded to make negative comments about other people within the nazarene denomination.  i took in some really 'good' information.  but rather than adding to the conversation, i delighted in watching my mom's and dad's eyes divert, avert, squint, open-wide, and stare.  try as they might to change the subject, my parents realized the couple would continue to 'spill the beans'.  after dinner, we were encouraged NOT to spread the good news to others.

speaking of which, a pastors wife, while eating with us, spilled the green beans all over the table.  she was not embarrassed just once, but by anytime we would remind her of the incident.  her accident was so thrilling to us kids...  so much so that for years, we would always mention it when our family had 'memory' time. 

another evangelist brought his wife and children to our church for the weekend.  at sunday dinner, i asked another fun and frequent question....  'what church do you go to?'.  the evangelist explained very tactfully that his wife was not a christian and didn't usually attend church.  oops!

of course, members of the church were in our homes frequently.  many were like family, loving and kind...  a few weren't.  some would come over to babysit, others would visit my parents, and some came over to pick up a key or a book or who-knows-what.  once, a woman came over to talk to my dad.  while she was waiting, she was asked by a little red-haired boy if she peed in her kool-aid.  she handled it graciously, but my the boy's mother heard what was being asked.  oops!

a group of church members had a meeting at church long into the evening.  my mother baked pies and invited them over to wind down i suppose.  it was a school night, so i couldn't stay up to talk and listen.  instead, i hid in a hall closet and just listened.  imagine my surprise when i awoke to the relief of my parents' voice when they finally found me.  apparently, they had search all over the house before trying the closet.  oops!

even though it didn't happen at our church, i must tell another story. this happened at our annual campmeeting. a woman asked her teenage daughter to deliver something to another woman in the camp. the teenage girl invited me, a 9 year old, to come along. the woman invited us in. and before i knew it, i had asked her, 'why are you so fat'? the woman turned red.  the teenager gasped. we left quickly. the teenager told her mother. the mother gasped AND told me how rude i had been. duh! and.... oops!  imagine me face.  imagine a brilliant color of red. 

for better or worse, i still enjoy engaging in all sorts of conversation.  and as fate would have it, i still have 'oops' experiences.  recently, a friend of mine said something that was confusing to me.  when she asked, 'does that make sense'? i seized the opportunity to be 'cute' and humorous, by saying that her comment made no sense at all.  as i laughed at my joke, i realized she was not laughing with me.  rather, she took offense to my flippant comment.

oops!

Testing

those crazy standardized tests!  even as a kid, i remember the teacher reading instructions.  she had to read them exactly as written with no commentary.  after all, they were standardized.  so what i heard was what everyone else in the country heard who took the same test, #2 pencil-ready to go!

i long for those days when i interact with various representatives during multiple phone conversations about a situation that each representative claims is a routine request but turns out to be wrong but with no suggestion of a simple solution to clarify the confusion.  the previous sentence is long because dealing with these people causes me to run out of breath. 

i know that i am not unique in experiencing such situations.  so my point is not to elicit pity or boredom.

rather, it is important for me to say that sometimes my ability to remain calm, to be rational, and not to yell my fricking head off is tested.  the immediate relief of doing any/all of these things makes the temptation so much more seductive.  in the moment, it feels really good.  but experience speaks up to remind me that the gratification transforms into physical and emotional pain. 

in my quest to mature by age 73 1/2, remembering that non rational reactions to people do little to resolve problems is important.  but remembering that it feels good to 'go off' gives me an outlet to 'go off' by writing on blog, crunching loudly on a dorito, or using choice words as i make myself a drink. 

i am not sure i will ever pass the standardized test for maturity by my target date.  but i will promise to take practice tests in order to make sure i really believe what i have written today. 

Ordinary day

on the enneagram i am a 4 (four), which means among other things that i am wired to seek out the special, the drama, and the energy in life.  when i sense energy, i am THERE.  and for this budding artist, it gives me insight and vision into was is and what can be.  put a bit more chili powder, some garlic, and a dash of wasabi into a situation, and life is spicy, and creative, and fun.

these traits, although they serve me well in some situations, also can get in my way sometimes.  for instance, by looking for the special things in life, i sometimes miss the ordinary, the routine of what life can offer.  get bored easily, i tend to overlook the beauty of the ordinary.

as life has slowed down for me, i have had the opportunity to appreciate and value the ordinary.  seeing the birds feeding in our backyard can entertain me for awhile.  reading history and current events with an eye to ordinary that have been overshadowed by the famous and he sensational have become more interesting to discover. 

at the risk of sounding trite, i am learning that the ordinary is, in fact, special.  my father always made it a point to greet and converse with 'ordinary' people:  the cashier, the service station attendant, the server in a restaurant. i was fascinated how people who seem so lifeless and bland came alive with a kind word, a human word. 

as i reflect on the gift my father gave me, i realize anew that value of the ordinary.  that is because by entering into the ordinary, i find more authentic specialness.  curiously enough, i become more aware of the ordinary in me as being special. 

lunch with a good friend today wasn't exciting or thrilling.  but it was a couple of hours filled with mutual sharing and insights that were very satisfying.  those moments became special just for what they were.  no more; no less.