Testing

those crazy standardized tests!  even as a kid, i remember the teacher reading instructions.  she had to read them exactly as written with no commentary.  after all, they were standardized.  so what i heard was what everyone else in the country heard who took the same test, #2 pencil-ready to go!

i long for those days when i interact with various representatives during multiple phone conversations about a situation that each representative claims is a routine request but turns out to be wrong but with no suggestion of a simple solution to clarify the confusion.  the previous sentence is long because dealing with these people causes me to run out of breath. 

i know that i am not unique in experiencing such situations.  so my point is not to elicit pity or boredom.

rather, it is important for me to say that sometimes my ability to remain calm, to be rational, and not to yell my fricking head off is tested.  the immediate relief of doing any/all of these things makes the temptation so much more seductive.  in the moment, it feels really good.  but experience speaks up to remind me that the gratification transforms into physical and emotional pain. 

in my quest to mature by age 73 1/2, remembering that non rational reactions to people do little to resolve problems is important.  but remembering that it feels good to 'go off' gives me an outlet to 'go off' by writing on blog, crunching loudly on a dorito, or using choice words as i make myself a drink. 

i am not sure i will ever pass the standardized test for maturity by my target date.  but i will promise to take practice tests in order to make sure i really believe what i have written today.