In the still of the night

it's 3am as i begin this post.  the house is quiet except for a quiet, introspective music playing softly.  this is treasured time.

1.  solitude is sacred.  very different than being alone, solitude is only found in contentment and inner peace. 

2.  listening is sacred.  as i commune with my thoughts, i find who i am.  there is nothing more intimate than self-knowledge and self-acceptance. 

3.  lights are sacred.  a candle is burning and the landscape lights cast a glow on our patio setting a surreal and ethereal mood.  low lighting invites me to stay in the present,  helping me to avoid the 'what its' and trio of wouldas/shouldas/couldas of a wandering mind. 

4.  music is sacred.  putting words and music together is a magical work of love.  it seems that music expresses those thoughts and feelings that two minutes ago had no words.  one certain phrase captures the essence of something personal and real. 

5.  the senses are sacred.  the five senses...  actually the six senses invite thoughts, evoke emotions, and rouses the body into alive-ness.  sometimes i ask a litany of questions...  what do i..

see

hear

smell

feel

taste

and intuit. 

intuition connects the dots.  it molds the other senses into a beautiful sculpture of deeply-felt knowing.  by combining experiences, memories, hunches, and that mystical energy, intuition distinguishes what is real from what is fear.

6.  life is sacred.  it's now been over 5 years since my body traded health for a hidden illness, feelings of dread, and intense pain.  i reject the idea that there is some 'purpose' for this transformation.  but i embrace what my body has taught me.  life cannot be lived in the past or in the future; both are only abstractions.  living in the present is vital to feeling alive.  folks, i only have the present.  nothing else matters.  material things are just things, nothing more.  only love and relationships are real.

7.  choices are sacred.  i must take responsibility for my choices, not out of obligation but out of dignity, respect, and love.  of all the choices that i make, one stands out as most important.  steve jobs and randy pausch have imprinted in me the choice to live as if i am going to die as a top priority.  every day brings constant pain, but it also brings opportunities to make this day unique.  just as the sun rises, so does my anticipation of what choices i can make to be ok with myself and with those i love. 

this song speaks to that notion: