recently, we watched the movie, 'the lives of others' which focused on the work of the east german stasi in the 1980s. in brief, the movie portrayed a person's attitude toward 'the enemy' change from a cold stone to a warm heart. the mission of spying transforms into listening to the humanity of the situation.
this past several weeks have challenged my ability to retain a warm heart. wishing to reject this latest diagnosis has resulted at times in an attitudes ranging from anger to apathy (i.e., damn it! i don't care). then the futility of wishing the diseases away hits me, in spite of how familiarly good it feels.
i keep a sketching diary of my attitude toward MPA. a written diary has been a stop-start venture over the years. but by by-passing words to access the feelings allows me to see my experience. creating and then viewing the pictures alchemizes the cold stone into a warm heart. and compassion sets in, no matter how dark or how inspiring is the sketch, to remind me that i am not a walking disease. i am human.
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