Garfunkel and simon

in 1972, i enrolled in a college experimental/experiential english course...  experimental because it was outside the classroom.  experiential because it was multi-sensual.  a bus loaded with first-year students was on it's way to a scout camp for the rest of the day and evening. 

at that time in my life, i was emotionally vulnerable.  a new college, new peers, new atmosphere, new, new, new.  in this situation, the comfort of structure gave way to spontaneity, adventure, fear/excitement (twins), and anxiety. 

we entered the mini-lodge to find a lighted fireplace, offering a warm glow and a pleasant smoky smell.  the walls were rustic as were the floors, the kitchen, and the bathrooms. after walking around, loosening up from the bus trip and exploring our new environment, we were invited to sit on the floor in a circle. 

our two professors did the usual greetings... briefly thank goodness, and then offered the theme for the day.  without words, they told us what adventures we would experience, what feelings we may encounter, and what were the spaces/closets/yin-yangs of the time together.  all of that was said within the music of simon and garfunkel's 'the sounds of silence'. 

what a mystery, an anticipation, and a fear the song offered.  i had no idea what to do with it except to listen...  heart, mind, body.  when the song was finished, we were invited to find an alone place to write our experience. what the hell did that mean?  questions were asked but the same answer was given...  'write your experience'.

sitting on a flat rock beside pine-sol smelling trees, i was alone with me, my paper, and my pencil (because i wanted the security of an eraser).  i felt deeply but the paper remained empty.  i reviewed some of the lines of the song but the paper still was empty.  i captured the famous voices of the time, but yes, the paper was empty.  to coin a phrase from another song, 'the words got in the way'.

the last couple of days have been filled with the silence of mind-pictures.  images of being lost, confused, scared have starting to appear in my sketches...  brilliant/pastel, harmonious/cacophonous, abstract/realistic.  and all is done within a cocoon of silence.

out in the fresh pre-dawn air, i write these words.  actually, they are words about pre-words, captured only in images.

so i wait for the results of medical tests and relevant diagnoses, wondering about and wandering in emotional silence.  it's a lonely place, my own space, but with the confidence of love surrounding me in an unseen circle of people.