Learning by example

i have learned from and modeled myself after many people in order to become the person i am today. two important examples come from the lives of my parents.

my father was a minister. he had served in that role since graduating from college in the early 1940's.  and he continued to preach until the early 1980's.  after approximately 2 years in zanesville, ohio, he moved to columbus, where he spent the rest of his professional life at shepard/shapherd church.  during his ministry, he learned to preach, to perform weddings and funerals, to visit hospitals and homes in order comfort people, to counsel those who were in trouble and who were hurting, to deal with various delicate situations that happen in most churches, to be a  fund-raiser, and to be an overseer of two building projects.  he also learned to be a husband, husband-in-law, father, father-in-law, and grandfather.  so many transformations within one profession, and at mostly at one location. 

he met my mother when she lead a youth revival at shepard church in 1949 or 1950 and subsequently married her on january 1, 1951. she was an evangelist/preacher from the time she was a teenager.  she traveled by bus, train, and car to churches in towns whose names many people would not recognize.  she learned to work with people who had various expectations of a female preacher.  she learned to be assertive in the face of prejudice and legalism. 

my mother was a housewife and soon after a mother with the birth of my brother in 1953, myself in 1954, and my sister in 1960.  during that time, she learned to establish her role as and woman, a wife, an adult daughter, a mother, and an in-law.  also, she defined for herself what it meant for her to be the partner of a minister.  many expectations were placed on a minister's wife in those days.  i think mom conformed when she could, and transformed the role to be true to herself.  of course, many in the church supported her decisions to make the role her own.  and she evolved over time as a counselor, sunday school teacher, occasional preacher and evangelist, fund-raiser, and vacation bible school director to name a few. 

a major transformation came in the 1960's when she decided, with my father's encouragement, to enter college to become an elementary school teacher.  suddenly, stacks of books appeared and much time was devoted to studying.  for four years, she redefined her many roles. other re-definitions came when she became a full-time teacher.  in the years since my father died in 1988, she learned to be a single woman before re-marrying in 1995.  

what i learned from parents was a importance of defining what it is to be me.  from my father, i learned, among other things, to respect women and to value the stability of a career.  from my mother, i learned the importance of re-defining myself/my roles due to my choices and to situations in my life that i did not choose. 

even now, i am learning a new type of stability as a retired person with a disability by establishing new routines and roles.  the challenge comes in being assertive by letting go of self-expectations and the expectations of others.  it comes from learning to deal with the medical profession and with chronic medical conditions.  the reward comes from the satisfaction of transforming myself, again, into the person i want to be by following new dreams and  by pursuing new interests.  and i continue to follow the lives of others as examples of how to do all of this.