sitting in the dark watching my lava lamp is mesmerizing. it sits atop our roll-top desk, casting a warm glow on the wall and the ceiling. the beauty, mystery, and slow moving drama of the pink blobs floating in a purple liquid make it something to relish.
next to me is a full-spectrum light i purchased to make the color of my pencils more realistic. as an added feature, it brings a more sharp, vibrant color to the coffee cup, the candle, and other nearby objects.
to enjoy, all i have to do it turn on the switch.
these winter days bring a mystery of their own. my calendar is dotted with doctors' appointments and physical therapy sessions. not on the calendar but ever-present is the pain i experience. the four daily cocktails of medications help my body to function, but each of them have side-effects which in some cases include pain.
in some ways, pain is like light. it holds the mystery of why. it bring the present into clear focus, and it adds drama to my day. it cannot, however, be turned on and off with the flip of a switch.
but i can turn on my perception of and my attitude about it. one choice is to focus on the pain itself, which brings with it a feeling of helplessness. but when i focus instead on the things i can do in spite of the pain, i am filled with hope. it hurts to cook or to draw, but it also hurts when i don't. so why not do those things i enjoy?
pain management is not trying to stop the pain. that just doesn't happen. neither is it about denying it's existence. that can only lead to poor choices. rather, it is about enjoying life while living with it.
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