naming things have been something for me to enjoy... fun names for colors, unique names for our pets, playfully naming various parts of my personality. naming does not only describe, but it gives life to that which is being named.
this week i have named this new phase of my life 'chaotic peace'. the words aptly describe the experience of my inner and outer world and it gives life to the dynamic that is happening.
a newbie parachuter would miss the real experience by feeling calm and content with the impending jump. rather, the anxiety and fear of the unknown combined with the peace from choosing to jump combine to provide a exhilarating dynamic.
all the work, the choices, and the decisions i am making during this transition create a rising level of anxiety within me. if i were calm, i would be concerned. for in calmness there can be an aloof acceptance of what is and a lack of energy to consider options.
instead, i know the anxiety is a response to change. it is the struggle to respond, to fight, and to grieve through transition. most importantly, this chaos-driven anxiety is the best barometer of peace. let me give an example:
robert quinn describes change as walking naked with confidence into the unknown. he describes as well that transition requires us to build a bridge as we go... one plank at a time. his descriptions highlight to me the dynamic of chaotic peace.
before you think me crazier than i am, i do long for peaceful peace. it is a great place to reside. it offers rest after a troubled period of time. i believe that will come to me. but for now, i need and desire this chaotic peace to energize me to do what i need to do.
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