oh, sweet mystery of love at last i found you! a scene from "young frankenstein" has teri garr sing that phrase when she 'experiences' the transformed gene wilder for the first time. it was ridiculously hilarious! and yet the words are curiously profound.
life includes many mysteries... personality development, afterlife, evil, relationships etc., that most of us have tried to understand, figure out, and resolve. of course, no one has come up with satisfying or convincing answers. i find love to be the most mysterious of all.
love has been defined in terms thoughts, as feelings, and as actions. it can be as shallow as 'i love peanut butter' or as deep as 'i love my partner, child, or parent'. most of us have experienced love in a variety of ways, but words to define or adequately describe it fail us. the bible teaches that god is love. does that mean that to know god is to know love? that god really is a synonym for love? who really knows?
perhaps even trying to define or describe love is futile as it is frustrating. why? love perhaps is the greatest mystery of all and mysteries by definition cannot be explained. so what is the point of trying to define it... to put it in a labeled container... to understand it.
allow me to state that love is simply a mystery to be experienced and not questioned. love and mystery were never meant to be separated. they are forever linked together. as such, to allow ourselves simply to experience love is to enjoy the greatest benefits of this mystery.
when giving a gift to someone, a simple 'thank you' is the best thing the receiver can give. on the other hand, to hear responses like "you didn't have to do that" or "i didn't get you anything", or "why did you give me this?" spoils the moment.
in the same way, allowing ourselves simply to experience love from others connects us directly to the mystery of it all. teri didn't sing, "oh, sweet mystery of love at last i can define you". that would have gone over like green cottage cheese. rather, she embraced the mystery as she did the monster. ok, i just couldn't resist that comparison.
love freely, embracing it as mysterious and delicious!
teri garr and gene wilder:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcvHjmLLNxQ
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Synonyms
a woman very frequently stands at the street corner directly in front of the law building on the university of dayton campus. as she has for several YEARS, she holds a sign claiming that the law school treated her unfairly. although the exact nature of her grievance is unknown to me, i am certain that she has one or two qualities essential to her longstanding protest: persistence and stubbornness.
i don't know about you, but those two words, even though they are similar in meaning, connote different thoughts and images. and their usage betrays to some degree the perspective of the person. for instance when civil rights pioneer, rosa parks, refused the order to move to the back of the bus, was she being persistent, stubborn, or both? when gandhi decided to fast until fighting stopped between opposing religions, was he being persistent or stubborn? the answer depends on the opinion held by the observer of both incidents.
can we know for ourselves whether we are acting stubbornly or persistently? is there an internal cue that can help us sort out the difference? to me, however, the most important question is whether knowing the difference is even relevant.
i am sorta, kinda, maybe convinced that the difference is almost always irrelevant. even though stubbornness carries a negative bias and persistence carries with it honor and virtue, it involves other people's judgment on our actions. and that is what makes the difference irrelevant to me.
perhaps a combination of age and life experiences make another person's assessment of our intentions less important. living through times of validation and of condemnation, many of us decide that the most important opinion is the one we have of ourselves. the constant 'need' for validation finally leaves us exhaustipated (google it). as a result, we free ourselves to be more real... more willing to be who we really are. as popeye would say, 'i yam what i yam'.
the woman on the corner? putting aside any judgment of her actions or her mental stability, we CAN choose to say that she is doing what she thinks is right for her. likewise, we can stand on our own street corners, lift our heads high, and feel the fresh breeze of authenticity.
i don't know about you, but those two words, even though they are similar in meaning, connote different thoughts and images. and their usage betrays to some degree the perspective of the person. for instance when civil rights pioneer, rosa parks, refused the order to move to the back of the bus, was she being persistent, stubborn, or both? when gandhi decided to fast until fighting stopped between opposing religions, was he being persistent or stubborn? the answer depends on the opinion held by the observer of both incidents.
can we know for ourselves whether we are acting stubbornly or persistently? is there an internal cue that can help us sort out the difference? to me, however, the most important question is whether knowing the difference is even relevant.
i am sorta, kinda, maybe convinced that the difference is almost always irrelevant. even though stubbornness carries a negative bias and persistence carries with it honor and virtue, it involves other people's judgment on our actions. and that is what makes the difference irrelevant to me.
perhaps a combination of age and life experiences make another person's assessment of our intentions less important. living through times of validation and of condemnation, many of us decide that the most important opinion is the one we have of ourselves. the constant 'need' for validation finally leaves us exhaustipated (google it). as a result, we free ourselves to be more real... more willing to be who we really are. as popeye would say, 'i yam what i yam'.
the woman on the corner? putting aside any judgment of her actions or her mental stability, we CAN choose to say that she is doing what she thinks is right for her. likewise, we can stand on our own street corners, lift our heads high, and feel the fresh breeze of authenticity.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
It doesn't take much
Last evening as we were sitting in our patio room, donna said, "look!". to our amazement, there were two (perhaps three) deer standing about 10 yards away from our house, eating bird feed that had fallen to the ground. our room became very quite as we wanted to avoid startling them. and for a moment, time stood still as we watched them eat. we were completely enthralled.
and when they finally left, i realized that the peaceful feeling i was experiencing was the result witnessing these beautiful animals doing no more than being a deer. even now, as i look out at the spot where they stood, i can relive the experience of being totally captured by nature's surprise, thankful that brains can store thoughts, feelings, and states of mind and play them back in a split second. although my words do not do justice to the experience, but i would guess most of us can relate stories about being enthralled by something we have witnessed.
what enthralls you? what brings you peace? allow yourself the luxury of re-experiencing moments of enthrallment. enjoy.
and when they finally left, i realized that the peaceful feeling i was experiencing was the result witnessing these beautiful animals doing no more than being a deer. even now, as i look out at the spot where they stood, i can relive the experience of being totally captured by nature's surprise, thankful that brains can store thoughts, feelings, and states of mind and play them back in a split second. although my words do not do justice to the experience, but i would guess most of us can relate stories about being enthralled by something we have witnessed.
what enthralls you? what brings you peace? allow yourself the luxury of re-experiencing moments of enthrallment. enjoy.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Saying no to resolve
i hate the word resolute. while purpose and determination can be admirable, sometimes it's nothing more than a artificial pipe dream. let me explain: as a young adult, i thought it my purpose to be an elementary school teacher. having graduated, i had arrived. my contentment with the status quo prevented me from considering other realities. after all, i had my purpose... what more could i want?
as i became restless in that profession, i determined that graduate school would give me the boost i needed. i certainly enjoyed the mental stimulation, but i was not satisfied. so i tried to re-infuse myself with the enthusiasm i once had by resolving to find a way to make it work. but it didn't happen.
i had a choice to make. would i stick stubbornly to my resoluteness or would i open the door and windows to possibility?
at age 34, i entered graduate school to become a psychologist. again, i was determined to be the best i could be. i gobbled up the learning and i relished in clinical practice. and i age 40 i was granted my license to practice in ohio. i had arrived... again.
after just a few years, i realized that i was bored. was this to be another resolute decision gone stale? why was i bored with a subject that came natural to me.... and that i enjoyed?
i cannot tell you exactly when the shift came, but i found myself desiring personal growth more than anything else. although i counseled clients to know and to love themselves, i was lacking in that area. i began going to workshops and conferences that were geared toward personal growth (and that earned me professional credit toward license renewal). and the most curious thing began to happen; i let go of purpose and determination in order to grasp spontaneity, possibility, and open-ended pursuits. i surrounded myself with others who had a similar view toward life. benjamin zander, the conductor for the boston philharmonic orchestra, was a primary influence.
although the stress of the job drained my energy at times, i found that 'being' with myself and with others gave much more lasting contentment and fulfillment. if forced to use resolution in this context, i resolved to wake up each morning with as little 'agenda' as possible. instead, i allowed the day to unfold naturally. although my skills gave me the ability to respond to a variety of situations and crises as necessary, my day was filled with times of authenticity with clients, colleagues, friends, and with donna.
lest you think all was peachy keen, i struggled when personal and professional agendas became obstacles to having the courage to be myself... living and breathing authentically. when retirement was imminent, i mourned the loss of my profession. but once in retirement, it was the practice of living authentically that got me through some very rough times. having chosen the road to daily living versus a 'purpose-driven life', i found the transition into retirement easier than some because my identity was not tied to my profession.
fast foward to now. my days are mostly unplanned, somewhat by choice and somewhat by circumstance. and i open myself to whatever comes my way. for example, i found a stumbleupon.com, a website that takes me to other sites that appeal to my interests. minutes turn to hours as i immerse myself in learning new things from perspectives i didn't know existed. in spite of significant medical challenges, i can enjoy my days because my only expectation is to be authentic.
i avoid resoluteness. as a result living authentically has become much easier.
as i became restless in that profession, i determined that graduate school would give me the boost i needed. i certainly enjoyed the mental stimulation, but i was not satisfied. so i tried to re-infuse myself with the enthusiasm i once had by resolving to find a way to make it work. but it didn't happen.
i had a choice to make. would i stick stubbornly to my resoluteness or would i open the door and windows to possibility?
at age 34, i entered graduate school to become a psychologist. again, i was determined to be the best i could be. i gobbled up the learning and i relished in clinical practice. and i age 40 i was granted my license to practice in ohio. i had arrived... again.
after just a few years, i realized that i was bored. was this to be another resolute decision gone stale? why was i bored with a subject that came natural to me.... and that i enjoyed?
i cannot tell you exactly when the shift came, but i found myself desiring personal growth more than anything else. although i counseled clients to know and to love themselves, i was lacking in that area. i began going to workshops and conferences that were geared toward personal growth (and that earned me professional credit toward license renewal). and the most curious thing began to happen; i let go of purpose and determination in order to grasp spontaneity, possibility, and open-ended pursuits. i surrounded myself with others who had a similar view toward life. benjamin zander, the conductor for the boston philharmonic orchestra, was a primary influence.
although the stress of the job drained my energy at times, i found that 'being' with myself and with others gave much more lasting contentment and fulfillment. if forced to use resolution in this context, i resolved to wake up each morning with as little 'agenda' as possible. instead, i allowed the day to unfold naturally. although my skills gave me the ability to respond to a variety of situations and crises as necessary, my day was filled with times of authenticity with clients, colleagues, friends, and with donna.
lest you think all was peachy keen, i struggled when personal and professional agendas became obstacles to having the courage to be myself... living and breathing authentically. when retirement was imminent, i mourned the loss of my profession. but once in retirement, it was the practice of living authentically that got me through some very rough times. having chosen the road to daily living versus a 'purpose-driven life', i found the transition into retirement easier than some because my identity was not tied to my profession.
fast foward to now. my days are mostly unplanned, somewhat by choice and somewhat by circumstance. and i open myself to whatever comes my way. for example, i found a stumbleupon.com, a website that takes me to other sites that appeal to my interests. minutes turn to hours as i immerse myself in learning new things from perspectives i didn't know existed. in spite of significant medical challenges, i can enjoy my days because my only expectation is to be authentic.
i avoid resoluteness. as a result living authentically has become much easier.
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