How low can you go?

sometimes having low expectations can be a powerful tool to keep hope alive.  

yesterday, i received the results of some neurological tests which were given to help determine episodes of confusion and disorientation and to determine the reason for the numbness and pain in my legs.  to be honest, i went with very, very low expectations.  experience has taught me that medical tests do not and cannot always explain symptoms. 

the good news:  i still have a brain.  no evidence of any serious brainthings was found.  that was a relief.

the expected news:  the tests did not reveal the source of the disorientation.  but other tests revealed damaged nerves and some loss of motor function in my legs.  whether either of those can be reversed is, according to the doctor, only speculative. 

the bad news:  none.  why?  because i had very low expectations about what the test would reveal.

and it's the low expectations that give me hope.  coping with the symptoms on a daily basis gives me a sense of control.  just like vitamin c, too much hope is simply flushed out of my system.  but a daily dose benefits both body and mind. 

conversely, hanging my hat on the hope that things will eventually get better takes me down a dark path.  over the last few years, i have had too many experiences of getting my hopes up only to be profoundly disappointed resulting in an emotional roller-coaster ride.  i can't afford to ride in that seat. 

contentment comes in many ways.  this is my way for now.