i have something to confess. angry birds is my current addiction. why would killing pigs who steal the birds' eggs be so much fun, using bombs, mighty eagles, egg-dropping hens, and even teeny tiny birdettes? thirty minutes turns into 2-3 hours. in the effort to control this ravenly obsession, i have limited myself to thirty minutes, which is hardly time to get the adrenaline going. but so be it.
so what is the difference between and obsession and a passion? after all, both involve intense focus and love of the activity. both take time to develop and to perfect. what sets passion apart from obsession? perhaps part of the answer lies in the feelings passion and obsession evoke.
when obsessed, i am driven by excitement, frustration, and sometimes boredom. it has a numbing effect on other emotions... anxiety and sadness, for instance. of course, they reappear quickly.
passion, on the other hand, elicits a strong inner peace and fulfillment. that is because it is an expression of my true self; it drives me to be the best stephen i can be. and the effects last a long time because 'pure' expression and creativity gives a voice to the mind and heart.
for years, i have been fascinated with the events of the holocaust. my very first high school theme was about it. i read articles, watch movies, and listen to the stories of survivors. the horror, shock, and hopelessness of these experiences are deeply troubling to say the least. and the courage, survival, and redemption of the survivors teaches me about living life at the fullest. i gravitate to the events of the holocaust because it stirs up in me the will not only to survive, but to thrive. it revives my passion for living life one day at a time. now is the only reality.
now is the only reality.
now is the only reality.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Coming home
i love researching, comparing, and finding the 'perfect' vacation spot. the preparation stage is as exciting as a double shot of adrenaline and expresso, traveling via the internet at the speed of whatever.
we did our homework to find a great spot for our vacation. but having stayed in the same hotel... the same room three consecutive times, we decided that next may, we will stay at another place which has a nearby beach walkway that hugo can transport me 2/3 of the way to the water. hotels, experiences, and wishes do change, after all.
having said all that, there is something simply incredible about arriving home, walking into a clean house, and with a deep sigh saying 'we are home!". i see the house with fresh eyes, noting the placement of furniture and plants, enjoying the fresh sheets donna put on the bed before we left, and gazing at our backyard which looks like a park.
we're home!!
many times wonderful things are experienced... new and exciting ideas and project are tried... exploring different parts of ourselves, some of which we didn't know existed... they add excitement and novelty to living.
but nothing beats the feeling of coming home to self, recognizing our deepest beliefs, feeling our core emotions, feeling as content as a well-worn pair of jeans. visiting other places is a natural and essential part of life. we have to leave home sometimes to discover who we are. but nothing integrates our discoveries as much as walking in the door of our own life and saying, 'this is home'.
we did our homework to find a great spot for our vacation. but having stayed in the same hotel... the same room three consecutive times, we decided that next may, we will stay at another place which has a nearby beach walkway that hugo can transport me 2/3 of the way to the water. hotels, experiences, and wishes do change, after all.
having said all that, there is something simply incredible about arriving home, walking into a clean house, and with a deep sigh saying 'we are home!". i see the house with fresh eyes, noting the placement of furniture and plants, enjoying the fresh sheets donna put on the bed before we left, and gazing at our backyard which looks like a park.
we're home!!
many times wonderful things are experienced... new and exciting ideas and project are tried... exploring different parts of ourselves, some of which we didn't know existed... they add excitement and novelty to living.
but nothing beats the feeling of coming home to self, recognizing our deepest beliefs, feeling our core emotions, feeling as content as a well-worn pair of jeans. visiting other places is a natural and essential part of life. we have to leave home sometimes to discover who we are. but nothing integrates our discoveries as much as walking in the door of our own life and saying, 'this is home'.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
How low can you go?
sometimes having low expectations can be a powerful tool to keep hope alive.
yesterday, i received the results of some neurological tests which were given to help determine episodes of confusion and disorientation and to determine the reason for the numbness and pain in my legs. to be honest, i went with very, very low expectations. experience has taught me that medical tests do not and cannot always explain symptoms.
the good news: i still have a brain. no evidence of any serious brainthings was found. that was a relief.
the expected news: the tests did not reveal the source of the disorientation. but other tests revealed damaged nerves and some loss of motor function in my legs. whether either of those can be reversed is, according to the doctor, only speculative.
the bad news: none. why? because i had very low expectations about what the test would reveal.
and it's the low expectations that give me hope. coping with the symptoms on a daily basis gives me a sense of control. just like vitamin c, too much hope is simply flushed out of my system. but a daily dose benefits both body and mind.
conversely, hanging my hat on the hope that things will eventually get better takes me down a dark path. over the last few years, i have had too many experiences of getting my hopes up only to be profoundly disappointed resulting in an emotional roller-coaster ride. i can't afford to ride in that seat.
contentment comes in many ways. this is my way for now.
yesterday, i received the results of some neurological tests which were given to help determine episodes of confusion and disorientation and to determine the reason for the numbness and pain in my legs. to be honest, i went with very, very low expectations. experience has taught me that medical tests do not and cannot always explain symptoms.
the good news: i still have a brain. no evidence of any serious brainthings was found. that was a relief.
the expected news: the tests did not reveal the source of the disorientation. but other tests revealed damaged nerves and some loss of motor function in my legs. whether either of those can be reversed is, according to the doctor, only speculative.
the bad news: none. why? because i had very low expectations about what the test would reveal.
and it's the low expectations that give me hope. coping with the symptoms on a daily basis gives me a sense of control. just like vitamin c, too much hope is simply flushed out of my system. but a daily dose benefits both body and mind.
conversely, hanging my hat on the hope that things will eventually get better takes me down a dark path. over the last few years, i have had too many experiences of getting my hopes up only to be profoundly disappointed resulting in an emotional roller-coaster ride. i can't afford to ride in that seat.
contentment comes in many ways. this is my way for now.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
cocooning
isn't the metamorphosis of a caterpillar amazing. as a child, i had a teacher who put a caterpillar in a glass-enclosed container. it was exciting to get to school each day... really... in order to observe what changes had taken place. of course, the caterpillar became a cocoon; the cocoon housed what was to become a butterfly; the class cheered. the butterfly was loosed out the window. freedom!
i could take you down the road of using caterpillar metamorphosis as a metaphor for life, with the end result being freedom and transformation. but i won't.
that is because the cocoon fascinates me so much more. it is during the cocoon stage of incubation that formation is taken place. a process that involves deep change. the animal knows that it doesn't inch along anymore; it doesn't know it will fly someday. all it knows is something very different, something strange is happening.
some people may understand cocooning to be isolation and avoidance.... that certainly can be true. my preference is to view it as a time of formation. it's a deeply personal time in which a person lets go of the known and enters into the unknown. it's a place of insight and reflection, anxiety and fear, nostalgia and longing.
i've experienced being a butterfly several times in my life. and sometimes i wanted to be one so much i have tried to skip (or at least shorten) the cocoon stage. but for now, i am a cocoon. it's cozy as it is uncomfortable. for now, i am content here.
i could take you down the road of using caterpillar metamorphosis as a metaphor for life, with the end result being freedom and transformation. but i won't.
that is because the cocoon fascinates me so much more. it is during the cocoon stage of incubation that formation is taken place. a process that involves deep change. the animal knows that it doesn't inch along anymore; it doesn't know it will fly someday. all it knows is something very different, something strange is happening.
some people may understand cocooning to be isolation and avoidance.... that certainly can be true. my preference is to view it as a time of formation. it's a deeply personal time in which a person lets go of the known and enters into the unknown. it's a place of insight and reflection, anxiety and fear, nostalgia and longing.
i've experienced being a butterfly several times in my life. and sometimes i wanted to be one so much i have tried to skip (or at least shorten) the cocoon stage. but for now, i am a cocoon. it's cozy as it is uncomfortable. for now, i am content here.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)