Changes, changes everywhere

the richey-suttles world has been transformed in the last week.  several big positive changes have occurred which make this home...  home.  

after one week of donna's retirement, we are still talking, laughing, and sleeping together.  it's been really wonderful having her home.  of course, the usual conflicts happen when two people spend so much time together in the same house.  but that is like adding a pinch chipotle powder and a can of beer to the chili.

our backyard is changing into a space that is much more accessible and attractive.  curvy sidewalks...  extending outside patio...   ample sidewalks...  tree limbs and bushes have been cut,  mulch has been spread, and a few flowers have been planted.  hugo and i will enjoy more time outdoors. 

yesterday i received word that my social security disability claim has been approved!  this is big because most claims, as i have been told, are rejected the first time.  relief doesn't quite capture the feelings.

this is a week i will savor with the senses.  and the memories senses hold will remain with me for a long time.

Cheese puffs

we had company this weekend which filled the house with laughter.  and we bought special treats. one of my favorites is the baked cheese puffs that turn my fingers a florescent orange.  they are wonderfully crunchy, colorful, and comforting.  although i must admit, they don't have the greatest taste.  but the 3 c's make up for it.  i would not want them all the time; i would get tired of them, i am sure.  but as something to anticipate on special occasions.....   oh, baby!!

retirement is somewhat like the cheese puffs.  anticipating something that will happen soon adds delight to my day.  i like to think about it, imagine how it will be, and revving up for the event.

 but that anticipation also adds energy to my day...  today.  it revs me up to "do" today with more gumption and spontaneity.  making today special is like opening a bag of cheese puffs as if i had not tasted them for months.

Waiting

So we've waited four weeks for the tree cutters to trim our trees.  they are not answering our calls.  so we contacted another tree service to come for an estimate on tuesday evening. and the waiting continues.

So we've waited a long time...  and now donna's final week of work is upon us.  and the waiting now is getting annoying.  friday will finally get here.  won't it?

i had a 'suspicious' ct scan recently.  so the doc wants another scan in july.  waiting for that test, and the results is uncomfortable.  i am not a fan of the word 'suspicious' unless it's in a mystery novel. 

now, i am used (almost) to waiting for donna when we go somewhere.  she likes to 'enjoy her activities' until the last minute and then get dressed.  we have had conversations for over 26 years about her last minute rush and about my impatience.

waiting is a curious beast.  it brings with i distortions in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  while waiting for somethings, my mind whirls, my emotions intensify, and my behaviors are slightly unpredictable.  waiting seems to take over...  if i let it.

over the last few years i have attempted to make peace with waiting.  and it works sometimes when i realize i have little control over it.  my energy is precious to me; i don't want to spend it on things icannot change. 

so i wait, intentionally calming myself with the voice of reason.  the future will become the present.  it really will.  so i bide my time with things i enjoy... things that make pass more quickly. 

just like right now...  i am waiting to hit the sack.  tired from the day and anxious for a good nite's sleep.  that will come in about 40 minutes.  in the meantime, i focus on other things.  and before you know it...  9:15 has come, missing my goal of a 9pm bedtime. 

wez funny creatures, ain't we?

It sucks

yesterday i had a wonderful time at my nephew's graduation party.  i saw old and dear friends, which was such a treat.  today, i have an elevated temperature.  damn!  it's seems that being around a group of people results in yet another setback.  i am not one to feel sorry for myself; i am a fighter.  but today i feel nothing but pity.  granted, those days will happen.  i hate the feeling of being isolated.  donna and i were supposed to meet friends for dinner tonight.  NOT! 

so i sit here with my fever hoping it will go away soon. 

i hate crying, but that is all i have to give.

Sensational

yesterday i made myself a glass of 'grandma hughes' coffee.  there are no extraordinary ingredients.  but just a taste of the drink takes me back immediately to memories of time with her, sitting in the rocking chair, talking about anything and everything, and feeling content with the 'safest' person on earth. 

the doobie brothers scored a hit with 'black water' about the time i was dating someone.  even now the song on the radio brings memories of riding the car, caring deeply about this person. 

posted on facebook were some pictures of two friends who had travelled to england, visiting sites that donna and i had visited years ago.  viewing those pictures brought memories of a boat tour on the river thames, visiting buckingham palace, eating dull english food, and visiting several pubs.  also, they brought back the beauty of the lake district and the horror of donna almost falling off a cliff.

nanny would travel from dayton to columbus almost every weekend to visit us.  the usual routine on saturday was to go shopping, stop for lunch, and pick up doughnuts for sunday breakfast.  shopping was a treat for me, seeing all the colors and feeling the different textures of the fabrics.  a special highlight was visiting the coat department where i learned to identify the different types of fur coats by sight and by feel.  i am sure the salesperson knew who i was and even expected this little kid returning to inspect the coats. 

senses not only allow us to experience the present in a number of ways, but they allow for a plethora of memories, both pleasant and painful, to become a part of who we are today.  they can remind us and teach us the value of living life to it's fullest.

having limited mobility, of course, has many downsides.  i am bound by the ableness of my body.  but no matter.  wherever i am, i can experience life.  this morning as i sit watching the sunrise, feeling the cool air, and hearing the familiar sounds of birds and coffee being made (some of which will be iced coffee before the end of the day!). 

the body can limit.  but the mind, with the imprint of the past and the information of the present, is limitless.  just as a good novel can allow me to experience vicariously another life, so can the senses allow me to experience and re-experience a full and enriched life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqZ95a249p0